Divorce Burbank Style

The summer was fun. Jody and I became friends as almost-adults as we'd never been during childhood. He had a great, sarcastic sense of humor and seemed to find my life a constant source of amusement. He enjoyed hanging out at the various tapings but seemed in no hurry to find work himself. That started to become a problem. We'd talked about his staying in LA permanently but as July turned into August he seemed perfectly content to hang out on the couch or play golf. Searching for a gig wasn't part of the equation. OK, now I'll admit, I worked summers since I was fifteen at the "restaurant" mostly because of that very nice guy I didn't marry. But I was concerned that Jody was more interested in smoking pot than thinking about being on his own.

A bit of background. We were both spoiled - but when I hit my teens it became evident that my personality was more like my father's than my mom's. She and Jody were the quiet ones, as I think I mentioned very early on in this tome. Big Joe and I were the, how should I say it - verbally active? And since we rarely agreed, the action was not fun and games most of the time. The three thousand mile separation had been a good thing for both of us. Jody knew how to play Big Joe - like a violin and much better than I was at getting what he wanted out of "pater familia". Yet, the subsidizing was about to come to a screeching halt unless Jody reconsidered his career choice. Switching from pre-law to history as his college major had thrown Big Joe into a tizzy of gargantuan proportions. Jody took the qualifying test to attend law school but had done nothing about applying. So, aside from lounging on my couch, there were no active plans for the future. The parents had been surprisingly silent during the past two months. We'd call home every Sunday morning but my mom was rarely around. Big Joe said she had really gotten into her golf game, which seemed humorous as she could usually kick the ball farther than she'd hit it. We thought it odd for about five minutes after we got off the phone and then promptly moved along with our plans for the day.

By the end of August I had narrowed down the dating field to one Assistant Director - Chris. He worked on "Press Your Luck" and was a consummate flirt who looked a lot like an adult "Dennis the Menace" - cow lick and all. Yet, there had been a huge fly in that ointment. He was living with someone...so unhappily, he said...and trying to extricate himself from the union. Again, pre-therapy, I had no idea what my huge attraction toward unavailable men was about. In fact, I didn't think about it at all. I kept the relationship at arm's length until Becky moved out of Chris' one bedroom apartment in Studio City. I liked him but couldn't get Bruce off my mind. Again...unavailable. I'd see Bruce at the Name that Tune tapings and he was always friendly and funny but never mentioned seeing me again. Ouch!

Since Chris was now "free" he kept inquiring as to the status of my divorce. After a couple of conversations with Jake - who finally agreed my paying him alimony was pretty ridiculous, but could I keep buying the kids clothes from time to time - I moved ahead with my attorney. Since the papers had been filed for close to a year the waiting period was officially over. All I had to do was make a brief court appearance.

I wanted nothing from Jake, obviously. Well, except his name. My maiden name was Mafera. When we first separated I'd tried going back to it - well, not that hard. I was so tired of spelling it - "M as in Mary - A - F as in Frank"...and everybody knew me as Howe. So that day in court was only about signing off on that small request. I'd appear and the judge would grant me permission to remain Janet Howe. Over and out.

I sat and waited my turn. When the judge called my name I stood up and walked up to stand in front of them.

He read the paper slowly and said..."divorce granted...so you like the name but not the game."

Really...