I think we can all agree that when the very worst things in life happen your reaction can often be "how can this be?". I'd returned to California and my mom remained in the hospital. I spoke to her, my father and Jody every day...several times. I went to work, monitored the game shows and moved through the routine of life without really being there at all. I wanted to be back in New York. As the days turned into a week I knew I had to go home to be with my family. I wanted to spend as much time with my mother as I could.
Sam - my New York boss - was wonderful. He told me to come to New York and take as much time as I needed. My mom was coming home for the hospital in a couple of days. I made plans to go home.
The day before she was to leave the hospital mom got a cold. Not good under the best of circumstances, as she had been an asthmatic ever since I could remember. It was never "just a cold"...she wanted to go home but the doctors said ...not. She may have been very sick but when my mom really wanted something she went about getting it. My dad agreed and lobbied for the doctors to give her a shot of adrenaline so she could have the strength to leave the hospital. The doctor said it could kill her...my dad replied, "exactly where do you think we're going here?".
I was three thousand miles away ... mom got her wish and came home from the hospital. I talked to her, told her I loved her and she said, breathlessly..."I love you,too."
Emmy Barrett Brunck Mafera died at 10:30PM that same night. My dad said the last thing she said was "oh shit..." before she fell asleep for the last time. That was SO her!!
I already had the plane reservation.
But, how can this be?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Brick Wall
Without a job or even the desire to look for one, we agreed it was time for Jody to return to Locust Valley in mid-September. I was sorry it hadn't worked out but glad to have my couch back. He left on a Tuesday.
Early Wednesday morning my phone rang. It was 6:30AM. No good can ever come of a call that early in the morning. It was my father - and Jody. In hindsight, recognizing the three hour time difference it's amazing my father waited that long. Yet, I will always wonder why he didn't make the call when my brother and I were together. Why I had to hear this horrendous news and be totally alone when I hung up the phone.
My mother had terminal cancer. She had less than a year to live. Breast...spread...lungs....liver...no reprieve in sight. These were the days pre-mammograms. By the time they found it there was nothing to be done. A small operation and they told her there was no need to stop smoking. While my father peppered the doctors with his attorney like questions "exactly how big is this tumor and that one"..the doctors said it didn't matter. The jury was in on this one and the verdict was not good.
I don't remember much about that day other than I drank about a bottle of wine and didn't go to work. I sat and cried. Chris came over and sat with me. My friend Pam and her boyfriend had tickets to go see Barry Manilow that night and we were going with them. Yes, I loved Barry Manilow...sorry about that. I remember going to the concert and drinking even more wine. When I didn't think I could cry anymore I kept crying.
Three days later my father called and said, "Come home. It's spread to her brain and she might not live through the night." I was on a plane within two hours.
How could my life possibly go on without my Mom, Emmy,in it?
When I got off the plane my Aunt Doris and Uncle Howie were there to meet me. Uncle Howie is my father's youngest brother and they had on-again, off-again feuds for as long as I could remember. Only imminent death could have patched up the last one...in fact, my father had said to my uncle during their last altercation "see you at the next funeral"...nice, very nice.
They drove me to the hospital and my Mom was sitting up in bed..it was 11:00PM and I knew my being able to get past visiting hours meant things were pretty serious.
Radiation had worked a miracle, bringing her back from the brink.
While Mom was out of immediate danger the doctors said it was just a matter of time. Much less than they originally thought. She said she wasn't in any pain and felt like "I have half a jag on". Yet, they gave her chemotherapy, which confounded me. In this Catholic hospital "where there's life, there's hope". I questioned a nurse who was also a nun and she told me that she and my mother had quite a conversation about life and death. The nun told me my mom had said "I'll be fine...I have my family, my friends and my faith."
Mom was still in the hospital when I returned to California ten days later. We'd spent our time together saying "goodbye" without ever saying the words. She told me of her hopes for me and my brother. When it was time to leave, Jody drove me to the airport while my dad stayed with her.
Seated in a chair in her room, she smiled and said "see you all of a sudden" - her favorite parting phrase. We hugged and I kissed her. We both knew it was a final goodbye.
She didn't shed a tear...neither did I.
I heard later from my father that mom was worried most about me. When I left the room she looked at him and said "she'll be all right".
Early Wednesday morning my phone rang. It was 6:30AM. No good can ever come of a call that early in the morning. It was my father - and Jody. In hindsight, recognizing the three hour time difference it's amazing my father waited that long. Yet, I will always wonder why he didn't make the call when my brother and I were together. Why I had to hear this horrendous news and be totally alone when I hung up the phone.
My mother had terminal cancer. She had less than a year to live. Breast...spread...lungs....liver...no reprieve in sight. These were the days pre-mammograms. By the time they found it there was nothing to be done. A small operation and they told her there was no need to stop smoking. While my father peppered the doctors with his attorney like questions "exactly how big is this tumor and that one"..the doctors said it didn't matter. The jury was in on this one and the verdict was not good.
I don't remember much about that day other than I drank about a bottle of wine and didn't go to work. I sat and cried. Chris came over and sat with me. My friend Pam and her boyfriend had tickets to go see Barry Manilow that night and we were going with them. Yes, I loved Barry Manilow...sorry about that. I remember going to the concert and drinking even more wine. When I didn't think I could cry anymore I kept crying.
Three days later my father called and said, "Come home. It's spread to her brain and she might not live through the night." I was on a plane within two hours.
How could my life possibly go on without my Mom, Emmy,in it?
When I got off the plane my Aunt Doris and Uncle Howie were there to meet me. Uncle Howie is my father's youngest brother and they had on-again, off-again feuds for as long as I could remember. Only imminent death could have patched up the last one...in fact, my father had said to my uncle during their last altercation "see you at the next funeral"...nice, very nice.
They drove me to the hospital and my Mom was sitting up in bed..it was 11:00PM and I knew my being able to get past visiting hours meant things were pretty serious.
Radiation had worked a miracle, bringing her back from the brink.
While Mom was out of immediate danger the doctors said it was just a matter of time. Much less than they originally thought. She said she wasn't in any pain and felt like "I have half a jag on". Yet, they gave her chemotherapy, which confounded me. In this Catholic hospital "where there's life, there's hope". I questioned a nurse who was also a nun and she told me that she and my mother had quite a conversation about life and death. The nun told me my mom had said "I'll be fine...I have my family, my friends and my faith."
Mom was still in the hospital when I returned to California ten days later. We'd spent our time together saying "goodbye" without ever saying the words. She told me of her hopes for me and my brother. When it was time to leave, Jody drove me to the airport while my dad stayed with her.
Seated in a chair in her room, she smiled and said "see you all of a sudden" - her favorite parting phrase. We hugged and I kissed her. We both knew it was a final goodbye.
She didn't shed a tear...neither did I.
I heard later from my father that mom was worried most about me. When I left the room she looked at him and said "she'll be all right".
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Divorce Burbank Style
The summer was fun. Jody and I became friends as almost-adults as we'd never been during childhood. He had a great, sarcastic sense of humor and seemed to find my life a constant source of amusement. He enjoyed hanging out at the various tapings but seemed in no hurry to find work himself. That started to become a problem. We'd talked about his staying in LA permanently but as July turned into August he seemed perfectly content to hang out on the couch or play golf. Searching for a gig wasn't part of the equation. OK, now I'll admit, I worked summers since I was fifteen at the "restaurant" mostly because of that very nice guy I didn't marry. But I was concerned that Jody was more interested in smoking pot than thinking about being on his own.
A bit of background. We were both spoiled - but when I hit my teens it became evident that my personality was more like my father's than my mom's. She and Jody were the quiet ones, as I think I mentioned very early on in this tome. Big Joe and I were the, how should I say it - verbally active? And since we rarely agreed, the action was not fun and games most of the time. The three thousand mile separation had been a good thing for both of us. Jody knew how to play Big Joe - like a violin and much better than I was at getting what he wanted out of "pater familia". Yet, the subsidizing was about to come to a screeching halt unless Jody reconsidered his career choice. Switching from pre-law to history as his college major had thrown Big Joe into a tizzy of gargantuan proportions. Jody took the qualifying test to attend law school but had done nothing about applying. So, aside from lounging on my couch, there were no active plans for the future. The parents had been surprisingly silent during the past two months. We'd call home every Sunday morning but my mom was rarely around. Big Joe said she had really gotten into her golf game, which seemed humorous as she could usually kick the ball farther than she'd hit it. We thought it odd for about five minutes after we got off the phone and then promptly moved along with our plans for the day.
By the end of August I had narrowed down the dating field to one Assistant Director - Chris. He worked on "Press Your Luck" and was a consummate flirt who looked a lot like an adult "Dennis the Menace" - cow lick and all. Yet, there had been a huge fly in that ointment. He was living with someone...so unhappily, he said...and trying to extricate himself from the union. Again, pre-therapy, I had no idea what my huge attraction toward unavailable men was about. In fact, I didn't think about it at all. I kept the relationship at arm's length until Becky moved out of Chris' one bedroom apartment in Studio City. I liked him but couldn't get Bruce off my mind. Again...unavailable. I'd see Bruce at the Name that Tune tapings and he was always friendly and funny but never mentioned seeing me again. Ouch!
Since Chris was now "free" he kept inquiring as to the status of my divorce. After a couple of conversations with Jake - who finally agreed my paying him alimony was pretty ridiculous, but could I keep buying the kids clothes from time to time - I moved ahead with my attorney. Since the papers had been filed for close to a year the waiting period was officially over. All I had to do was make a brief court appearance.
I wanted nothing from Jake, obviously. Well, except his name. My maiden name was Mafera. When we first separated I'd tried going back to it - well, not that hard. I was so tired of spelling it - "M as in Mary - A - F as in Frank"...and everybody knew me as Howe. So that day in court was only about signing off on that small request. I'd appear and the judge would grant me permission to remain Janet Howe. Over and out.
I sat and waited my turn. When the judge called my name I stood up and walked up to stand in front of them.
He read the paper slowly and said..."divorce granted...so you like the name but not the game."
Really...
A bit of background. We were both spoiled - but when I hit my teens it became evident that my personality was more like my father's than my mom's. She and Jody were the quiet ones, as I think I mentioned very early on in this tome. Big Joe and I were the, how should I say it - verbally active? And since we rarely agreed, the action was not fun and games most of the time. The three thousand mile separation had been a good thing for both of us. Jody knew how to play Big Joe - like a violin and much better than I was at getting what he wanted out of "pater familia". Yet, the subsidizing was about to come to a screeching halt unless Jody reconsidered his career choice. Switching from pre-law to history as his college major had thrown Big Joe into a tizzy of gargantuan proportions. Jody took the qualifying test to attend law school but had done nothing about applying. So, aside from lounging on my couch, there were no active plans for the future. The parents had been surprisingly silent during the past two months. We'd call home every Sunday morning but my mom was rarely around. Big Joe said she had really gotten into her golf game, which seemed humorous as she could usually kick the ball farther than she'd hit it. We thought it odd for about five minutes after we got off the phone and then promptly moved along with our plans for the day.
By the end of August I had narrowed down the dating field to one Assistant Director - Chris. He worked on "Press Your Luck" and was a consummate flirt who looked a lot like an adult "Dennis the Menace" - cow lick and all. Yet, there had been a huge fly in that ointment. He was living with someone...so unhappily, he said...and trying to extricate himself from the union. Again, pre-therapy, I had no idea what my huge attraction toward unavailable men was about. In fact, I didn't think about it at all. I kept the relationship at arm's length until Becky moved out of Chris' one bedroom apartment in Studio City. I liked him but couldn't get Bruce off my mind. Again...unavailable. I'd see Bruce at the Name that Tune tapings and he was always friendly and funny but never mentioned seeing me again. Ouch!
Since Chris was now "free" he kept inquiring as to the status of my divorce. After a couple of conversations with Jake - who finally agreed my paying him alimony was pretty ridiculous, but could I keep buying the kids clothes from time to time - I moved ahead with my attorney. Since the papers had been filed for close to a year the waiting period was officially over. All I had to do was make a brief court appearance.
I wanted nothing from Jake, obviously. Well, except his name. My maiden name was Mafera. When we first separated I'd tried going back to it - well, not that hard. I was so tired of spelling it - "M as in Mary - A - F as in Frank"...and everybody knew me as Howe. So that day in court was only about signing off on that small request. I'd appear and the judge would grant me permission to remain Janet Howe. Over and out.
I sat and waited my turn. When the judge called my name I stood up and walked up to stand in front of them.
He read the paper slowly and said..."divorce granted...so you like the name but not the game."
Really...
The Prince & the Luau
The taping finally ended. The lovely contestant was $100,000 richer and I was headed to Beverly Hills in Bruce's red Mercedes convertible. We were going for drinks at the Luau - a Rodeo Drive Hawaiian style haunt that was owned by Lana Turner's ex-husband, Steve Crane. It was beyond cool in a kitchy way. Much has been said about the romance of Rum, but I was already in a state of "this guy could be the one". Wouldn't you think I'd have gotten over that notion?
We each ordered a Luau Grog. I can't tell you what was in it but I do know that it had authority. I sipped slowly and listened to Bruce's stories. He surely had stories and I found each one fascinating. Truth be told, even while not performing the man loved an audience. He told me he and his wife had been apart four years and raved about his two daughters. One was 11 and one 15.
Three hours passed in a blink.
On the drive back to my apartment Bruce spoke of all the things we would do together. He went to many screenings at the Writer's Guild...he loved Santa Barbara...I would love his daughters and vice-versa. It sounded like a wonderful life was on the verge of opening up right before my very eyes. A small kiss at my front door and the promise of a phone call in the morning to make plans for the weekend.
I was euphoric...but the next morning he didn't call. In fact, he never called!
Men suck!
It was finally time to finalize that divorce...
We each ordered a Luau Grog. I can't tell you what was in it but I do know that it had authority. I sipped slowly and listened to Bruce's stories. He surely had stories and I found each one fascinating. Truth be told, even while not performing the man loved an audience. He told me he and his wife had been apart four years and raved about his two daughters. One was 11 and one 15.
Three hours passed in a blink.
On the drive back to my apartment Bruce spoke of all the things we would do together. He went to many screenings at the Writer's Guild...he loved Santa Barbara...I would love his daughters and vice-versa. It sounded like a wonderful life was on the verge of opening up right before my very eyes. A small kiss at my front door and the promise of a phone call in the morning to make plans for the weekend.
I was euphoric...but the next morning he didn't call. In fact, he never called!
Men suck!
It was finally time to finalize that divorce...
Beginnings ...
I have a lot of memories of that summer. Jody was an excellent golfer and a friend of mine, Steve, was a member of a hotsy-totsy club so they played often. I worked, brought Jody along to tapings and continued my "sprint dating"...no one serious but a couple of potential contenders. I wasn't sure I'd ever be up for another marriage marathon. And I still wasn't divorced...soon, I thought...soon.
There was someone I liked..a lot. He was the Executive Producer of Name That Tune. His name was Bruce...and he'd been in a singing group in the late 50's...The Four Preps. He'd written a song called "26 Miles" and was funny, cute, always "on" and thirteen years older. I had yet to figure out my attraction to older men. We would flirt on the set and I would sit in front of him and the head of Ralph Edwards Productions - Ralph Edwards - during every taping.
I loved working on Name That Tune. We would take the contestants out all day while the band rehearsed the music. The contestant co-ordinator, Judi, was the most fun and we would go to movies, on the Universal Tour - all sorts of great places with great people. The contestants on this show were the nicest. I've always thought because of their love of music and it always made me happy to see them win.
During one taping an especially nice contestant won $100,000. I cried...sheesh, the gene was definitely on overdrive. Ralph Edwards - one of the nicest men I have ever met, show business or not - handed me a tissue. Bruce patted my shoulder. They thought it was cute. And it seemed to set a pattern. Whenever a contestant was to go for the "big money" Ralph would lean over and hand me a tissue. Perhaps this was what caught Bruce's attention because one day he called me at the office and asked if I'd like to go out after the next taping. I said "yes" and immediately called my friend, Judi - who knew of my crush - and we planned what I'd wear.
Of course, the taping ran long. All the contestants knew I had a "big date" that night but no one but Judi knew who it was with. At the very end of the last show a wonderful lady had the chance to go for $100,000. We were running very late and as I sat with her in the room awaiting her chance to name the tune that might change her life all she could do was apologize for keeping me from my date. See why I loved these contestants?
We went out on stage and I wished her luck as she went into the booth to hear the music. I went to my seat in the front row with Bruce and Mr. Edwards seated behind me.
They played six notes. She smiled and said "Some day my prince will come."
I cried and secretly hoped that wasn't just the name of that tune!
There was someone I liked..a lot. He was the Executive Producer of Name That Tune. His name was Bruce...and he'd been in a singing group in the late 50's...The Four Preps. He'd written a song called "26 Miles" and was funny, cute, always "on" and thirteen years older. I had yet to figure out my attraction to older men. We would flirt on the set and I would sit in front of him and the head of Ralph Edwards Productions - Ralph Edwards - during every taping.
I loved working on Name That Tune. We would take the contestants out all day while the band rehearsed the music. The contestant co-ordinator, Judi, was the most fun and we would go to movies, on the Universal Tour - all sorts of great places with great people. The contestants on this show were the nicest. I've always thought because of their love of music and it always made me happy to see them win.
During one taping an especially nice contestant won $100,000. I cried...sheesh, the gene was definitely on overdrive. Ralph Edwards - one of the nicest men I have ever met, show business or not - handed me a tissue. Bruce patted my shoulder. They thought it was cute. And it seemed to set a pattern. Whenever a contestant was to go for the "big money" Ralph would lean over and hand me a tissue. Perhaps this was what caught Bruce's attention because one day he called me at the office and asked if I'd like to go out after the next taping. I said "yes" and immediately called my friend, Judi - who knew of my crush - and we planned what I'd wear.
Of course, the taping ran long. All the contestants knew I had a "big date" that night but no one but Judi knew who it was with. At the very end of the last show a wonderful lady had the chance to go for $100,000. We were running very late and as I sat with her in the room awaiting her chance to name the tune that might change her life all she could do was apologize for keeping me from my date. See why I loved these contestants?
We went out on stage and I wished her luck as she went into the booth to hear the music. I went to my seat in the front row with Bruce and Mr. Edwards seated behind me.
They played six notes. She smiled and said "Some day my prince will come."
I cried and secretly hoped that wasn't just the name of that tune!
Monday, July 26, 2010
A Year of Transition...
The year I was 27 was a good one. I dated...I moved...into a wonderful triplex in an amazing area. It was a bright, airy one bedroom with hardwood floors and tons of charm. I was in heaven! I started buying furniture and felt like Mary Tyler Moore.. on my own and loving life. The man in charge of acquiring the prizes for Hollywood Squares owned the triplex. He'd bought it to house his ex daughter-in-law after she'd been unceremoniously dumped by his son. I was the excited third tenant.
The triplex was across the street from Bob Hope's house in Toluca Lake. Mr. Hope owned half of the San Fernando Valley and I'd heard the other half was owned by Fred McMurray. Truthfully, Mr. Hope's house was a giant old fashioned Tudor that didn't appear to have central air conditioning. You could see through the gate that the windows were always open. The lot on the other corner was empty. Rumor had it that Mr. Hope owned that, too, and upon his death and that of his wife, Dolores, the house would become a nunnery for the Roman Catholic church about a mile away. Dolores Hope was the major donor. As I write this, Mrs. Hope is still with us. The triplex was sold years ago to house Mr. Hope's caretakers and I guess the nuns are still waiting for their new home.
Halloween was amazing in Toluca Lake. Buses arrived with kids - I kid you not - from other neighborhoods because trick or treating in this area filled with celebrities,incredible homes and full size candy bars. Christmas time was amazing - the lights, the creches, the huge lit trees filled with decorations. It was also about three miles from NBC which made for an incredible commute to work.
My work schedule was erratic, time-wise. Different shows taped at different times. For instance, Wheel of Fortune was a late call - and late out. Midnight Special - very early call and very late out. But Midnight Special was FUN! Wolfman Jack was the host and for Christmas that year even us "cops" got beautiful silk and satin "Midnight Special" baseball jackets. However, the fly in the ointment of scheduling was Susan - the office administrator who made sure we all knew she was the "boss of the schedule". She was six years older so I didn't expect all the perks she had but I did expect fairness. Not so much. Susan would get annoyed and then Susan would get petty. She didn't like the friendship that had developed between me and one of the other young women in the office. So, we never got to work on shows together. And, if we misbehaved, i.e., hanging out together after work hours, one - or both - of us would find ourselves working a graveyard shift show with an early show turnaround. Silly, but true. It's always something, isn't it?
Our boss worked out of NBC in New York...his name was - and still is - Sam. He wasn't much older than we were and had a great sense of humor. When he came to town we would have fun - and heaven forbid we didn't include Susan. That would guarantee working the worst shows at least a couple of weeks. We were salaried - not hourly - so it didn't matter how many hours a day we'd work. Susan saved the best for herself - but more about that later.
I was loving life - except for the pending divorce. I'd gotten an attorney, I'd filed the papers but didn't follow through. Why? Well, the attorney had said there was a chance I'd have to pay him alimony. Huh??? During the past year Jake had lost his job, sold the boat and moved in with a new girlfriend. No income meant I made more. Ah, equality for women. So, the divorce was on hold which drove my father nuts. Just about everything I did drove my father nuts and had forever. But, again - that's another story.
I'd spent just about every Christmas holiday - married or not - back in Locust Valley. My mom had insisted. To be honest, it was the continuity in my life that I craved. I loved where I'd grown up - I just didn't want to still live there. A visit was exactly what I needed at least once a year. In May of that year my younger brother was graduating from college so I was summoned for the ceremony. I groused but agreed it was where I should be.
Let me explain my mom in greater detail. She was the warmest, funniest woman I knew. My friends all loved her and she always welcomed them graciously with kindness. Slumber parties were the genre of teenage entertainment when I was growing up and I had more than my share of them at our house. My mom was my friend and as I explained earlier, my savior when it came to leaving home and finding an entirely different way of life than the one I was programmed to expect. She encouraged my independence.
My mom was a "crier"...Father Knows Best could send her into spasms. Happy tears, she'd call them. The Hallmark greeting card commercials were good for several Kleenex. I laughed at her over the years...really laughed. Yet, at my brother's college graduation I found myself crying...a lot. She looked over at me and said "ha, you've got the gene."
My brother was 7 years younger than I was..having left home for good at 21 meant he was only 14. I didn't know him well. During childhood those seven years were huge and meant I was the designated baby sitter during times when that was exactly what I didn't want to be doing with my weekend nights. But I liked him. So much so that I asked him to come spend the summer in California with me following his graduation. He'd majored in history but really had no clue of what to do next. Spending the summer with me seemed like a good time for both of us. I wasn't dating anyone special and I knew he'd get along with my friends.
So Jody came to California where we spent the last best summer of our lives.
The triplex was across the street from Bob Hope's house in Toluca Lake. Mr. Hope owned half of the San Fernando Valley and I'd heard the other half was owned by Fred McMurray. Truthfully, Mr. Hope's house was a giant old fashioned Tudor that didn't appear to have central air conditioning. You could see through the gate that the windows were always open. The lot on the other corner was empty. Rumor had it that Mr. Hope owned that, too, and upon his death and that of his wife, Dolores, the house would become a nunnery for the Roman Catholic church about a mile away. Dolores Hope was the major donor. As I write this, Mrs. Hope is still with us. The triplex was sold years ago to house Mr. Hope's caretakers and I guess the nuns are still waiting for their new home.
Halloween was amazing in Toluca Lake. Buses arrived with kids - I kid you not - from other neighborhoods because trick or treating in this area filled with celebrities,incredible homes and full size candy bars. Christmas time was amazing - the lights, the creches, the huge lit trees filled with decorations. It was also about three miles from NBC which made for an incredible commute to work.
My work schedule was erratic, time-wise. Different shows taped at different times. For instance, Wheel of Fortune was a late call - and late out. Midnight Special - very early call and very late out. But Midnight Special was FUN! Wolfman Jack was the host and for Christmas that year even us "cops" got beautiful silk and satin "Midnight Special" baseball jackets. However, the fly in the ointment of scheduling was Susan - the office administrator who made sure we all knew she was the "boss of the schedule". She was six years older so I didn't expect all the perks she had but I did expect fairness. Not so much. Susan would get annoyed and then Susan would get petty. She didn't like the friendship that had developed between me and one of the other young women in the office. So, we never got to work on shows together. And, if we misbehaved, i.e., hanging out together after work hours, one - or both - of us would find ourselves working a graveyard shift show with an early show turnaround. Silly, but true. It's always something, isn't it?
Our boss worked out of NBC in New York...his name was - and still is - Sam. He wasn't much older than we were and had a great sense of humor. When he came to town we would have fun - and heaven forbid we didn't include Susan. That would guarantee working the worst shows at least a couple of weeks. We were salaried - not hourly - so it didn't matter how many hours a day we'd work. Susan saved the best for herself - but more about that later.
I was loving life - except for the pending divorce. I'd gotten an attorney, I'd filed the papers but didn't follow through. Why? Well, the attorney had said there was a chance I'd have to pay him alimony. Huh??? During the past year Jake had lost his job, sold the boat and moved in with a new girlfriend. No income meant I made more. Ah, equality for women. So, the divorce was on hold which drove my father nuts. Just about everything I did drove my father nuts and had forever. But, again - that's another story.
I'd spent just about every Christmas holiday - married or not - back in Locust Valley. My mom had insisted. To be honest, it was the continuity in my life that I craved. I loved where I'd grown up - I just didn't want to still live there. A visit was exactly what I needed at least once a year. In May of that year my younger brother was graduating from college so I was summoned for the ceremony. I groused but agreed it was where I should be.
Let me explain my mom in greater detail. She was the warmest, funniest woman I knew. My friends all loved her and she always welcomed them graciously with kindness. Slumber parties were the genre of teenage entertainment when I was growing up and I had more than my share of them at our house. My mom was my friend and as I explained earlier, my savior when it came to leaving home and finding an entirely different way of life than the one I was programmed to expect. She encouraged my independence.
My mom was a "crier"...Father Knows Best could send her into spasms. Happy tears, she'd call them. The Hallmark greeting card commercials were good for several Kleenex. I laughed at her over the years...really laughed. Yet, at my brother's college graduation I found myself crying...a lot. She looked over at me and said "ha, you've got the gene."
My brother was 7 years younger than I was..having left home for good at 21 meant he was only 14. I didn't know him well. During childhood those seven years were huge and meant I was the designated baby sitter during times when that was exactly what I didn't want to be doing with my weekend nights. But I liked him. So much so that I asked him to come spend the summer in California with me following his graduation. He'd majored in history but really had no clue of what to do next. Spending the summer with me seemed like a good time for both of us. I wasn't dating anyone special and I knew he'd get along with my friends.
So Jody came to California where we spent the last best summer of our lives.
Life in the Semi-Fast Lane
Well, I was officially "not married"...but still not divorced. It would be one more thing I had to pay for. Jake was still on the boat and the payments were still being taken out of my pay check. My parents were both pushing for the big "D"...but I was dragging my feet. I didn't want to be married to him, but never thought of myself as being divorced at 27. It was one thing to bail on a wedding, now I was bailing on a marriage. What was wrong with me?
The sexual revolution was in full force. Now that I was back on the scene dating-wise I discovered the best thing to do on a date was to order the cheapest thing on the menu. Surely he couldn't expect me to sleep with him for a small Cobb salad? One guy, a dentist, was crazy about my teeth. Yes, the braces had done a wonderful job and my smile was white, white, white. He, however, was a real doozy...after a second dinner he couldn't believe I didn't want to go home with him. His question - "are you a lesbian?" - as if that would be the only reason I wouldn't want to sleep with him. OY!!
Jake and I saw each other every other weekend. I really did love his kids and I really did miss them. Yet, I knew at some point in the relatively near future we would no longer be related and I would be the disposable part of the equation.
Work was an adventure. New shows came onto NBC. One of the oddest was "The Gong Show" - a quasi-talent half hour program with some of the oddest contestants I ever saw. They dressed in outfits that defied description. On bathroom runs I would think "my parents would be so proud if they could see me now". One day a "cowboy" had a startlingly realistic gun in his holster. I alerted the head prop man who asked the contestant for his weapon. It was real - but not loaded, and promptly confiscated. Chuck Barris was the host and creator of the show. He was as silly as the rest of the group involved with this production. It was a set filled with practical jokes, constant laughter and absolutely nothing serious.
And then I met the "chicken"...yes, the chicken...he had long, scraggly legs and was dressed in a chicken suit to open the show. Every taping was sillier than the one before on The Gong Show. The chicken wandered around the studio, dressed in full attire during the first three shows. Then we broke for dinner and the chicken was no where to be found. There was, however, a very good looking man I'd never seen before on line for his meal. I only saw him for a minute or two because we, the contestants and I, went through the line and then ate in another room.
When we went back to tape the fourth show the chicken was back in action. Halfway through the show "it" walked up to me and handed me a note. It said "would you like a glass of wine after the taping?". Surely this was just a chicken joke - if you're too young to remember "Laugh In" stop reading here. I just looked at "it" with what were probably question marks in my eyes. Then "it" walked away".
During the fifth show the chicken stood at the side of the studio closest to where I was seated. Who was this chicken and why would I possibly join it for a glass of wine? Must be a Gong Show joke on the Compliance Cop. I thought nothing of it and at the end of the show I gathered up my volumes of signed "I swear I won't cheat" forms signed by the illustrious contestant crew and started to walk out.
As I was wandering down the hallway between Studios 1 and 3 the good looking guy from the meal break called out to me..."hey, how about that glass of wine?". He was the chicken??? I walked up to him and said "why didn't you tell me who you were?". He replied, "have you ever tried to hit on somebody when you're dressed like a chicken?".
He had a point... we had a glass of wine together...and much, much more.
The sexual revolution was in full force. Now that I was back on the scene dating-wise I discovered the best thing to do on a date was to order the cheapest thing on the menu. Surely he couldn't expect me to sleep with him for a small Cobb salad? One guy, a dentist, was crazy about my teeth. Yes, the braces had done a wonderful job and my smile was white, white, white. He, however, was a real doozy...after a second dinner he couldn't believe I didn't want to go home with him. His question - "are you a lesbian?" - as if that would be the only reason I wouldn't want to sleep with him. OY!!
Jake and I saw each other every other weekend. I really did love his kids and I really did miss them. Yet, I knew at some point in the relatively near future we would no longer be related and I would be the disposable part of the equation.
Work was an adventure. New shows came onto NBC. One of the oddest was "The Gong Show" - a quasi-talent half hour program with some of the oddest contestants I ever saw. They dressed in outfits that defied description. On bathroom runs I would think "my parents would be so proud if they could see me now". One day a "cowboy" had a startlingly realistic gun in his holster. I alerted the head prop man who asked the contestant for his weapon. It was real - but not loaded, and promptly confiscated. Chuck Barris was the host and creator of the show. He was as silly as the rest of the group involved with this production. It was a set filled with practical jokes, constant laughter and absolutely nothing serious.
And then I met the "chicken"...yes, the chicken...he had long, scraggly legs and was dressed in a chicken suit to open the show. Every taping was sillier than the one before on The Gong Show. The chicken wandered around the studio, dressed in full attire during the first three shows. Then we broke for dinner and the chicken was no where to be found. There was, however, a very good looking man I'd never seen before on line for his meal. I only saw him for a minute or two because we, the contestants and I, went through the line and then ate in another room.
When we went back to tape the fourth show the chicken was back in action. Halfway through the show "it" walked up to me and handed me a note. It said "would you like a glass of wine after the taping?". Surely this was just a chicken joke - if you're too young to remember "Laugh In" stop reading here. I just looked at "it" with what were probably question marks in my eyes. Then "it" walked away".
During the fifth show the chicken stood at the side of the studio closest to where I was seated. Who was this chicken and why would I possibly join it for a glass of wine? Must be a Gong Show joke on the Compliance Cop. I thought nothing of it and at the end of the show I gathered up my volumes of signed "I swear I won't cheat" forms signed by the illustrious contestant crew and started to walk out.
As I was wandering down the hallway between Studios 1 and 3 the good looking guy from the meal break called out to me..."hey, how about that glass of wine?". He was the chicken??? I walked up to him and said "why didn't you tell me who you were?". He replied, "have you ever tried to hit on somebody when you're dressed like a chicken?".
He had a point... we had a glass of wine together...and much, much more.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Rockin' the Boat
Not surprisingly, Jake wasn't thrilled with my choice of change. It was clear that he wanted me to remain on The Tonight Show...closer to the action, he thought. His wishful action. Many new and rising talents passed through the door of my current employer and Jake always felt a a chance to represent one of them was just around the corner. He'd come close with Freddie Prinze. Before his first appearance on the show Freddie was so broke he'd spent the night on Betsy's couch. Jake and I went over for a glass of wine and I was sufficiently embarrassed at the blatant "pitch" job Jake had done. Freddie was young, innocent and enormously talented. And, after his appearance on the show he was scooped up by ICM - a huge agency. After a meteoric rise, sadly, Freddie Prinze fell into a hideous trap of sudden fame...drugs, depression and suicide at the age of 24. Today we watch Lindsay Lohan ...but I digress.
Living on the boat full time had become old after almost two years. I was more than ready to leave my sea legs behind. Jake, less so. He still enjoyed being the unconventional "almost 40" year old. At 27 I was ready to be a little bit more of a grown up. It was clear the marriage was not working.
My work in Compliance and Practices was fun. I was assigned the "back end" of most of the game shows - working with the contestants. The whole purpose of this department was to ensure game shows were completely and totally aboveboard. The "front end" person worked with the material, i.e. questions and answers. If they were taping five shows, the production company would have to bring enough material for eight shows. C&P would pick the order in which they would be taped. The "back end" person - usually the newest members of the department) worked with the contestants. Making sure they were "briefed" properly. That they didn't know anybody working for NBC or the production company...then we would select the order in which the contestants appeared. The reasoning behind this was you would have to give so many people so many answers it was certainly impossible to do.
It was...nobody cheated...but lots of us in our twenties had a great time working on these shows. Wheel of Fortune - the original one with Chuck Woolery and Susan Stafford - she actually had to turn the letters around. Susan also held prayer meetings in her dressing room but that's another story. Name that Tune - we took the contestants out on all day excursions so we could definitely say they were no where near the studio when the music was being rehearsed. Movies, lunches in Hollywood...that was a REALLY fun show to be part of. And the contestants were the nicest, I thought. I decided it was because their common denominator was a love of music. Kathie Lee Gifford - then Kathy Johnson - was the "la-la" girl. Singing the notes without the words. I swear when she started out she was my age but now she's about eight years younger. Again, another story.
But the home front was not going well. Jake and I were fighting - a lot! I worked nights and weekends. Again, as the newest member of the department I got a lot of the "early call" or "late ending" tapings. I loved it - I was out more, meeting great people and not having to listen to Jake's constant barrage of who was against him now. I finally told him I was moving onto land. I rented a studio apartment in Betsy's building. Jake decided to stay on the boat. We'd worry about who was going to pay for what later - but, hey, the boat payments were coming out of MY paycheck. No matter. I still loved Kraft Mac and Cheese, and would eat it every night if it meant moving ashore. A trial time apart we both agreed.
I moved to Sherman Oaks....lock stock and charm bracelets!
Living on the boat full time had become old after almost two years. I was more than ready to leave my sea legs behind. Jake, less so. He still enjoyed being the unconventional "almost 40" year old. At 27 I was ready to be a little bit more of a grown up. It was clear the marriage was not working.
My work in Compliance and Practices was fun. I was assigned the "back end" of most of the game shows - working with the contestants. The whole purpose of this department was to ensure game shows were completely and totally aboveboard. The "front end" person worked with the material, i.e. questions and answers. If they were taping five shows, the production company would have to bring enough material for eight shows. C&P would pick the order in which they would be taped. The "back end" person - usually the newest members of the department) worked with the contestants. Making sure they were "briefed" properly. That they didn't know anybody working for NBC or the production company...then we would select the order in which the contestants appeared. The reasoning behind this was you would have to give so many people so many answers it was certainly impossible to do.
It was...nobody cheated...but lots of us in our twenties had a great time working on these shows. Wheel of Fortune - the original one with Chuck Woolery and Susan Stafford - she actually had to turn the letters around. Susan also held prayer meetings in her dressing room but that's another story. Name that Tune - we took the contestants out on all day excursions so we could definitely say they were no where near the studio when the music was being rehearsed. Movies, lunches in Hollywood...that was a REALLY fun show to be part of. And the contestants were the nicest, I thought. I decided it was because their common denominator was a love of music. Kathie Lee Gifford - then Kathy Johnson - was the "la-la" girl. Singing the notes without the words. I swear when she started out she was my age but now she's about eight years younger. Again, another story.
But the home front was not going well. Jake and I were fighting - a lot! I worked nights and weekends. Again, as the newest member of the department I got a lot of the "early call" or "late ending" tapings. I loved it - I was out more, meeting great people and not having to listen to Jake's constant barrage of who was against him now. I finally told him I was moving onto land. I rented a studio apartment in Betsy's building. Jake decided to stay on the boat. We'd worry about who was going to pay for what later - but, hey, the boat payments were coming out of MY paycheck. No matter. I still loved Kraft Mac and Cheese, and would eat it every night if it meant moving ashore. A trial time apart we both agreed.
I moved to Sherman Oaks....lock stock and charm bracelets!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Cops R Us
So, I scheduled the interview. The Manager in Personnel thought I would be perfect for the position. The main problem as I saw it was that their offices were off the NBC lot. I'd miss having lunch every day in the commissary, but knew I'd be in the studios two or three days a week working on the various shows the network had on the air that required monitoring. I would be working on all the game shows and it sounded like fun.
The Manager of the West Coast Department was an older man....an ex-FBI agent. He was stern looking and the atmosphere in the office was a direct 180 from The Tonight Show. Felt like a "real" job...a "real" interview. He asked me many questions and as I was responding I noticed a framed picture directly over his left shoulder. The man looked familiar but I couldn't figure out exactly who he was so I asked.... "J. Edgar Hoover", was the response. The former head of the FBI, known for his admiration for clothing made for the opposite sex. "He's always looking right over my shoulder so I'm sure to do the right thing". In a word - OY!
But when the job was offered a few days later, I readily accepted. It was time for a change. I gave two weeks notice and went home to tell Jake. It would definitely affect our life - and weekends. Game shows taped later in the day and on weekends. Wherever I was scheduled, I would need to be. No more 10-5 for me.
It would be quite an adventure...
The Manager of the West Coast Department was an older man....an ex-FBI agent. He was stern looking and the atmosphere in the office was a direct 180 from The Tonight Show. Felt like a "real" job...a "real" interview. He asked me many questions and as I was responding I noticed a framed picture directly over his left shoulder. The man looked familiar but I couldn't figure out exactly who he was so I asked.... "J. Edgar Hoover", was the response. The former head of the FBI, known for his admiration for clothing made for the opposite sex. "He's always looking right over my shoulder so I'm sure to do the right thing". In a word - OY!
But when the job was offered a few days later, I readily accepted. It was time for a change. I gave two weeks notice and went home to tell Jake. It would definitely affect our life - and weekends. Game shows taped later in the day and on weekends. Wherever I was scheduled, I would need to be. No more 10-5 for me.
It would be quite an adventure...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
20 / 20
Have you ever noticed that so many cliches...seemingly stupid sayings...actually turn out to be true? My personal favorite - hindsight is 20/20. From where I stand right now - many years later I see the choice I could have made so clearly, but then how would that have altered every other stage of my life from then on? Drastically...nothing would have been the same. From where I stand right now that would not have been good news.
I thought about it for two days. Seriously thought about it. Pulling out of this life, this city, this boat and this marriage. What I did was call the personnel department and say I wasn't moving up to San Francisco after all. I was going to stay. In Los Angeles, working on the Tonight Show, married to Jake.
Lots of my life during that time was fun. I met people and saw things hanging around NBC that I certainly would have never been a part of had I stayed in Locust Valley. By this time I probably would have had a child of my own had I married that nice young man, instead of every other weekend with four kids I liked a lot but, boy was this boat crowded. Life with Jake was crowded...with drama, turmoil, his unhappiness with what he had determined was his unfair "lot in life". Through no fault of his own - always, according to him - his great talent was being passed over time after time to represent the greater talent coming into the agency. I wished I always believed him but I'd come to notice his complaining was becoming a chronic condition and if I noticed, certainly others did, as well.
The Tonight Show was fun, fun, fun. My pal, Betsy, and I were always coming up with something to fill the extra hours in the day. Let's be honest, working hard was not a Tonight Show job requirement. Most of the jobs were pretty cushy. So Betsy and I hooked rugs and put together "The Tonight Show" scrapbook - fully subsidized by NBC under the auspices of the head of the Prop Department. People walked through our bungalow and said hello. Ed McMahon's office was right behind my desk and every late morning he'd walk in with that booming "Hello Janet and Beth". With him what you saw was truly what you got. He was warm and friendly with HORRIBLE taste in women. He met his second wife, Vickie Lee Valentine in the VIP lounge at some airline. She was a hostess. Later she was "reinvented" as Victoria and had one of the worst attitudes of entitlement I'd ever encountered. Reportedly, at their wedding reception in an over-enebriated state (that was true about him too, he did imbibe)...Victoria said "that's it fatso, we're married now I don't have to be nice". And, from what I understood about their union that was certainly truthful.
Other people were very nice. I met Henry Fonda, on my birthday, and when I shook his hand and told him it was the best thing that had happened that day, re replied, "for me, too". Heady stuff.
I'd return home to the boat and cook delicious meals - tuna or mac and cheese in an electric casserole cooker and, while the weather was mostly wonderful, walking up to the shower every morning was not. What was I thinking? Probably, that it drove my father crazy and that made most of it worth it. The sub conscious mind is a powerful vehicle.
I passed two years on the boat with Jake, his children and spent my days with Johnny Carson and his crew. We produced multiple Alpo commercials - yes, I was there the day the dog wouldn't eat and Johnny came backstage and pretended to munch a mouthful. One day I wandered through the studio and happened to check the job postings. During those days at NBC people on the "inside" got first crack at an open position. One caught my eye...Co-ordinator, Compliance and Practices. It was described as working for the department ensuring the honesty and integrity of game shows. At that time NBC, as well as CBS and ABC had many game shows on the air. Hollywood Squares, Name that Tune, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune and others. Since NBC had been involved in the game show scandals many years earlier they took the integrity of these productions very seriously. It looked interesting...it paid more money... I was ready for a change.
I called personnel and went up to discuss an interview. I didn't tell Jake.
I thought about it for two days. Seriously thought about it. Pulling out of this life, this city, this boat and this marriage. What I did was call the personnel department and say I wasn't moving up to San Francisco after all. I was going to stay. In Los Angeles, working on the Tonight Show, married to Jake.
Lots of my life during that time was fun. I met people and saw things hanging around NBC that I certainly would have never been a part of had I stayed in Locust Valley. By this time I probably would have had a child of my own had I married that nice young man, instead of every other weekend with four kids I liked a lot but, boy was this boat crowded. Life with Jake was crowded...with drama, turmoil, his unhappiness with what he had determined was his unfair "lot in life". Through no fault of his own - always, according to him - his great talent was being passed over time after time to represent the greater talent coming into the agency. I wished I always believed him but I'd come to notice his complaining was becoming a chronic condition and if I noticed, certainly others did, as well.
The Tonight Show was fun, fun, fun. My pal, Betsy, and I were always coming up with something to fill the extra hours in the day. Let's be honest, working hard was not a Tonight Show job requirement. Most of the jobs were pretty cushy. So Betsy and I hooked rugs and put together "The Tonight Show" scrapbook - fully subsidized by NBC under the auspices of the head of the Prop Department. People walked through our bungalow and said hello. Ed McMahon's office was right behind my desk and every late morning he'd walk in with that booming "Hello Janet and Beth". With him what you saw was truly what you got. He was warm and friendly with HORRIBLE taste in women. He met his second wife, Vickie Lee Valentine in the VIP lounge at some airline. She was a hostess. Later she was "reinvented" as Victoria and had one of the worst attitudes of entitlement I'd ever encountered. Reportedly, at their wedding reception in an over-enebriated state (that was true about him too, he did imbibe)...Victoria said "that's it fatso, we're married now I don't have to be nice". And, from what I understood about their union that was certainly truthful.
Other people were very nice. I met Henry Fonda, on my birthday, and when I shook his hand and told him it was the best thing that had happened that day, re replied, "for me, too". Heady stuff.
I'd return home to the boat and cook delicious meals - tuna or mac and cheese in an electric casserole cooker and, while the weather was mostly wonderful, walking up to the shower every morning was not. What was I thinking? Probably, that it drove my father crazy and that made most of it worth it. The sub conscious mind is a powerful vehicle.
I passed two years on the boat with Jake, his children and spent my days with Johnny Carson and his crew. We produced multiple Alpo commercials - yes, I was there the day the dog wouldn't eat and Johnny came backstage and pretended to munch a mouthful. One day I wandered through the studio and happened to check the job postings. During those days at NBC people on the "inside" got first crack at an open position. One caught my eye...Co-ordinator, Compliance and Practices. It was described as working for the department ensuring the honesty and integrity of game shows. At that time NBC, as well as CBS and ABC had many game shows on the air. Hollywood Squares, Name that Tune, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune and others. Since NBC had been involved in the game show scandals many years earlier they took the integrity of these productions very seriously. It looked interesting...it paid more money... I was ready for a change.
I called personnel and went up to discuss an interview. I didn't tell Jake.
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