And then.....

I startled awake thinking there was another earthquake, but this time it really was the garage door opening beneath my bedroom. I was back in Kansas, Dorothy. And I wondered if I'd have the courage to leave again. Why not return to Locust Valley? And do....what? When you've planned your life around a man and the relationship fails, so does the planned life. And, I'd failed to find a real replacement.

Ironically, that very day was the 24th birthday of the nice boy I didn't marry. We hadn't spoken word one since the night I'd given him back his ring and listened to what he had to say..."some day some one will hurt you the way you've hurt me and you'll know what it's like". Sixteen months later found me wondering how he was. Not for the first time.

I went downstairs to the all-familiar kitchen. My father had left,no doubt wishing to continue our non-conversation, so Emmy and I sat down over a cup of coffee. Long before Starbucks there was instant Maxwell House. The New York Daily News sat on the table with cover photos of Los Angeles looking like a war zone. Truth be told, this earthquake damaged one area significantly but no where else. I guess the era of sensational journalism had begun long before I realized it. My mom was an amazing comfort. She understood my confusion and while she would have loved me to return home I know she knew it was best if I didn't. Yet she would listen and help me to come to my decision without judgment. Most of my friends weren't around so the next day loomed with a lot of time to soul search. And drive around town.

I felt all sorts of memories rushing back. I rode past many of my friends' houses, familiar roads and haunts, the high school, the house "the nice boy" and I had rented to live in after the wedding and found myself parked outside "the family restaurant".

It was lunch time and I saw a familiar face behind the grill. I sat in the car, unobserved, for a half hour or more. I was either going to open the door and get out or drive away.

I knew in my heart the time for looking back was over.

That night I went out with my best friend from high school. Geri had gotten married and had a brand new baby girl, who was my goddaughter. What an adorable little treasure. I envied Geri her newly settled status. Her husband seemed like a nice guy from a wealthy family. They were moving to Florida for him to finish a post graduate degree. But we had one night out together - we went to a familiar old haunt, the "Gold Coast" where she ran into the love of her life in high school. I thought I saw a couple of sparks but just knew she was the one who was going to live "happily ever after".

As for me, I returned to Los Angeles the next day.